Unwritten
by wouldtheywriteasongforyou
Summary: Solve it, if you dare. — a collection of odd and puzzling Riddle-y, Dumbledore-y, Founder-y, in-between era drabbles and one-shots.


**Author's Note:  
Disclaimer: I don't mean a word I say.**

Written for the HPFC 335 Pairing Bonanza Challenge; Acrostic-y Competition "T_**h**_e Vanishing Glass"; Twelve Days of Christmas Challenge "3. crack pairing"; Cinema Competition "Beauty and the Beast"

15 February 2014. Word Count: 617

"**You know, sometimes I think we Sort too soon."**

* * *

**Hats Off to Longbottom**

Heroes and legends had to start somewhere, and it just so happened to be the Sorting Hat's job to guide them all on to their paths of destiny. Well, only the Hogwarts students – the Sorting Hat had nothing to do with the failures of Grindelwald or Gregorovitch or the conquests of Bonaparte. The Sorting Hat, an age-worn patchy black witch's hat, was a relic dating back to the magic of the four original Hogwarts Founders. It relished its power by spewing out words of gibberish that wizarding folk pretended to understand while sitting in the Great Hall and feeling self-important.

Most years were quite unmemorable to the Sorting Hat – it did not have a brain, you see, so its vernacular exceeded its memory capacity – but 1972 was rather unforgettable. There had been a forty-seven day miners' strike against the British government, Israel athletes had been attacked and murdered at the Munich Olympics, and the Watergate Scandal occurred in that capitalist heaven people referred to as 'MURICA. But none of those world events pertained to the Sorting Hat, though, so they were easily dismissed from the Hat's mind. No, 1972 was a haunting year, for it was during that year's Sorting did the Hat make a mistake for the first time in its existence.

The Hat could not see since it was lacking in human body parts – it was simply a Charmed _hat_ – but the girl's mind was rather curious. Using her brain, she practically shouted her thoughts to the Hat which annoyed the Sorting Hat very much. (Hearing voices in ones' head was never a good sign, even in the wizarding world.)

MY NAME IS AUGUSTA LONGBOTTOM, she declared bumptiously but the Hat already knew that.

_Do you have any preferences as to which House you would like to be Sorted into?_ the Hat asked, for it was in a kind mood that September first.

YOU PUT PEOPLE WHERE THEY WISH TO BE SORTED? Augusta Longbottom asked in a positively scandalised tone. THEN WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE SORTING HAT IF THE STUDENTS SORT THEMSELVES?

_That's not how the Sorting works_, the Hat responded peevishly. _I merely take your wishes into consideration._

HMMPH, Augusta snorted. WELL, I WISH TO BE IN RAVENCLAW. I'M SURE YOU CAN SEE HOW ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT I AM.

_Oh yes, _the Hat affirmed. _Modest, too._ The Hat paused as it inspected the rest of Augusta Longbottom's talent. _But I see that your skills at Charms are lacking._

IMPOSSIBLE, August scoffed. I'M ONLY A FIRST YEAR – YOU HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING WHETHER I AM GOOD AT CHARMS OR NOT. PUT ME IN RAVENCLAW.

_But such cunning ambitiousness and a noticeable sense of self-preservation would do you well in Slytherin_, the Hat argued.

PUT. ME. IN. RAVENCLAW. _NOW_.

The Sorting Hat huffed. _If that is where you wish to be_. Out loud, it declared: "RAVENCLAW!" and the Great Hall erupted into congratulatory applause.

Many heads and decisions and minds later, Headmaster Dumbledore placed the Sorting Hat on his own head in the secluded confines of his office. "Augusta Longbottom is quite a character," he mused after an incident involving the now-Third-Year and mandrakes in Greenhouse Three. "She single-handedly managed to shatter the eardrums of every Slytherin in her double-Herbology class."

The Sorting Hat sighed. _I knew I had made a mistake putting such a charmless witch into Ravenclaw_.

Headmaster Dumbledore shrugged. "You know, sometimes I think we Sort too soon."

It would not be the last time either Headmaster or Hat agreed with that statement for characters such as Tom Riddle Jr., Harry Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Severus Snape, Hermione Granger, and Lily Evans would come to place the Hat upon their naive little First Year heads.

[-]


End file.
